I have been running for about 10 months now. It is not something I ever thought I would do but it really is the only cardio exercise that really does work for me.
Every time I run it's hard.
I do not know what Hitting Your Stride means as I have never found that. I have settled into a slow pace but when I catch myself doing that I have to make a mental effort to push through.
I do like that it makes me less stabby. After a bad day at work a run will help me calm my nerves and with a high pressure job like the one I have, that is an awful lot of days.
If I run when I am sad I find I am even more sad when I am done. I end up both emotionally and physically exhausted.
What it really comes down to is running is something I need to do but it's not really something I like to do. In the end it is something I am proud that I do and something I haven't failed at. Until Wednesday.
I went into Wednesday knowing Jess was coming over do to Yoga around 5:30 and I desperately needed to make up my run I missed on Tuesday night. When I left for work that morning I told Shawn we would need to get in that run before we did yoga. Normally I would have just let that run go but we are running a 5k on June 2nd and I am honestly not sure I could finish it right now. We have not been running outside much and my time on the treadmill has been very, very limited.
I did everything I could to get out of the office on time and get home so we would have time to run and by some miracle it worked. We quickly changed into our running gear and headed out into the 15 mile per hour winds. A storm was coming in so the wind was blowing from all directions and no matter which way we were running it was never at our back but always all around us. This made the run very difficult.
We made it 2.7 miles and I was done.
I am ashamed to admit that for the first time in my running career I actually quit.
I gave up.
I was about a block behind Shawn when this little dog came running out of a yard and started chasing him. I do not like strange little dogs at all. I think they are the most likely to bit you! I kept running but when I was within half a block and the owner had yet to collect the dog I put the breaks on. I started walking but I was unable to kick it back in gear. We were at a point where we could go straight and finish our 3.2 miles or we could turn and be home in 2 blocks.
We opted to go home.
I am not proud.
I let the dog, the wind, the exhaustion be an excuse and that's just not like me!
When we got home I was not feeling 100%. I needed water and I needed to sit down. I kicked off my shoes, which always drops my core temp quickly, drained the water cooler of what little water was left, and threw myself down on my yoga mat.
I was down on my self for giving up.
I was hot.
I was exhausted.
I needed more water!
After ten minutes of self pity and moping I asked Jess to get the DVD going. I was starting to worry that I would not be able to kick my butt back in gear to do the Yoga video.
I would be letting Jess down.
I would be letting me down. Again. Twice in one day.
That could not happen! I needed to get up and get going, no matter what.
I gave myself a pep talk. I told myself I needed to stretch anyway so why not just do the video to get my stretch and then it would all be over. Like I tell my daughter, the sooner you start the sooner you are done.
So, I got my butt up off the floor and I did that yoga DVD the very best I could.
And when I was done I was proud. I was proud of the effort I put in to the Yoga DVD and I was really proud of Jess since she was busting her A$$ next to me. I am so thankful she was there because I know if she wasn't I would have fell onto the couch not to get up until it was time to take Heidi to guitar lessons later that evening.
In the end, I am still bummed that I gave up but I have resolved to use that tomorrow when it is still hard. I have five runs scheduled before my 5k and I will finish that 5k in a good time.
So, I will kick myself in the rear and I will do this.
I will do this.
And then when I plugged in my bodybugg Thursday morning, this is what I saw:
In the end, I really didn't fail. And I guess that's what really matters.