These last few days I have had a special kind of writers
block. It is the kind that comes during the process of reconciliation. And I
know this time it is due to the elementary school shootings that happened last
Friday.
The shooting are not something I even intended to write
about. I try to keep current events off my blog but this one is effecting me so
deeply. Being the mother of a seven year old, being the aunt of four 6 to 8
year olds, being the Girl Scout Troop leader to 15 girls ranging from 6 to 8, really
having gotten to know my daughters friends from school. This is just way to
close to home for me.
And this is the kind of think that usually would drive me
away from the blog for a while and have me writing in a personal setting
instead.
However, this time, I wasn’t writing at all.
I sort of stuck my head in the sand and ended up feeling extremely
guilty for moving on with my life while these poor families were suffering this
senseless tragedy.
Friday night we went to a parade in Downtown Minneapolis
called Holidazle with the kids. It’s at night in the freezing cold. All of the
floats and people in the parade are decked out with lights. It is a lot of fun.
But I was overshadowed with a feeling that I should not be enjoying myself when
this was all still going on. I should have been hugging the kids not getting
down on myself.
Saturday morning I was home paying bills and creating our
Holiday card while Shawn and Heidi were at the dentist. I broke down when it occurred
to me these families would never be taking their child to the dentist again.
Sunday I spent the day shopping with Erin. Towards the end of our outing we finally let ourselves talk
about how we were feeling. For me, it really is about feeling helpless. I am
helpless to directly help these families and that’s not something I deal well
very well.
I am a fixer and a doer. To be sitting at home without a way
to help makes me feel horrible. In natural disasters I have joined up with
groups who are collecting hygiene supplies, pick up a truck load of shampoo and
diapers at the dollar store, and know they will help.
But these families don’t need shampoo. The need their child
returned to them safely. I can’t make that happen.
I finally figured out what to do. It is coming in a few
forms and I really hope it not only helps me but helps others.
I volunteered in my daughters classroom on Monday and was
there to support the teacher however she needed. I played games with the kids
and made their afternoon enjoyable plus I was able to have lunch with Heidi and
her friends.
I thanked the support staff at the school for all their
efforts in keeping our children safe. I have always appreciated them but even
more so now because they really are doing the very best they can.
Last night our Girl Scout Troop made thank you cards for
their favorite teacher or support staff at their school. We did not feel it was
our place to talk to the girls specifically about what happened so we left it
very high level with a “lets thank all the people at our school who help us
every day.” The girls loved it and it warmed my heart.
For the future, I am going to focus on completing more
random acts of kindness. I am going to smile at people more often. Really, I am
just going to keep trying to be the best Kara I can be and I am going to keep
pushing Heidi to be the best Heidi she can be. It is the best I can do at this
point.
Hugs to you all and to your children. Thanks for stopping by
the blog today, I do feel the writers block is lifting as I wrap this up.
Kara
